Living in Tree Houses

I suppose you could say I have a very hard time letting things go.  Not material things as much as spoken words, but it kind of feels like I've been running up stairs to get away from the pain of negative words my entire life and that is an approach that I have employed for way too long.  It turned me into someone who thought she was a nice person, but in actuality was angry and bitter and immature.

Why so angry?  Maybe because I was hungry and needed to eat a sandwich, or perhaps I was just trying to keep the heat off myself.  I talk a big game, but in all actuality I am a meek kitten.  I am working on being more conscientious about the words that come out of my mouth because you can't take words back after they come flying out. 

I'm also overly dramatic.  Chalk that up to the belief that the world is my stage and/or I have spent a majority of my life on a stage or in front of a mirror.  Not entirely a good combination because I suffer from terrible stage fright and thing I'm something special and hate myself all at once.

I think everyone has a right to his or her own opinion and unfortunately, I started ruffling some feathers by not thinking about what I was saying to others.  I get very excited to be included in a conversation and that usually ends with me dominating the conversation.  I'm sorry. I know I can't take spoken words back, but it's something that I am working on fixing through my actions.

Therefore, if you have ever been on the receiving end of my "dagger words", please accept my apologies.  I use(d) this as a defense mechanism and never realized that I was that "mean girl" in school that no one liked.  It boils down to not liking myself very much, but I'm working on changing that as well.

I'm working hard on letting go of past situations and words that have been said to me as well.  Who wants to live in the past anyway?  Life is too short.  

I hope everyone has been enjoying the fall weather.  I must admit that I'm not much into the Halloween spirit this year.  I suppose the changing seasons can do that to a person.

Change is difficult but necessary.

Trying a New Schedule

My friend Alison made me my own android self!  Get yours at androidify.com

I've been struggling with my schedule.  I have never been a big eater in my life, until I met my husband.  He still says he wants to win a food eating contest but I honestly worry about his health after the Tchoupitoulas Challenge Incident.  He taught me it was okay to enjoy food.  I think we enjoyed food a little too much in our early courtship and I had given up dancing, therefore I put on some weight.  I never felt comfortable with that because I had always been a "pretty princess ballerina", but it felt good to actually eat what I wanted and not be discouraged about eating.  After all, I had to make adjustments to my schedule with a new job and paying bills when we started dating and my natural outlet of dance was pushed to the wayside. 

The biggest trouble for me has always been eating breakfast.  That is the most important meal of the day, after all and I still struggle with that.  I was nervous to go to school and having to force something down to keep me going was so difficult.  Naturally, I just skipped breakfast.  I think it snowballed from there and naturally, controlling the food I did or did not put in my body was the only control I had for myself.

However, I am on a new plan and old habits die hard but I am most definitely eating.  I still struggle with it but I make sure I eat 3 meals a day.  I am so grateful to have a husband that is supporting me through this time of need.

I love how our New Orleans "family" always picks up after each other.  Like you would do with your kids, everyone that works in this system helps to pick up after each other.  I like to rake the leaves.  It's my way of paying it forward and cleaning up.  Right now I am focusing on reinforcing my schedule and I must admit it's a struggle, but I know that my neighbors are helping me by saying hi and waving and smiling.  I smile back and am so grateful for every day that we have in this most blessed city. 

And to anyone who was on the receiving end of my bad attitude, I am sorry.  I was really hungry and was behaving like a spoiled child.  I know I can't take those negative words back but I needed to eat a sandwich in a big way.  I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.

with love,
K