Living in Tree Houses

I suppose you could say I have a very hard time letting things go.  Not material things as much as spoken words, but it kind of feels like I've been running up stairs to get away from the pain of negative words my entire life and that is an approach that I have employed for way too long.  It turned me into someone who thought she was a nice person, but in actuality was angry and bitter and immature.

Why so angry?  Maybe because I was hungry and needed to eat a sandwich, or perhaps I was just trying to keep the heat off myself.  I talk a big game, but in all actuality I am a meek kitten.  I am working on being more conscientious about the words that come out of my mouth because you can't take words back after they come flying out. 

I'm also overly dramatic.  Chalk that up to the belief that the world is my stage and/or I have spent a majority of my life on a stage or in front of a mirror.  Not entirely a good combination because I suffer from terrible stage fright and thing I'm something special and hate myself all at once.

I think everyone has a right to his or her own opinion and unfortunately, I started ruffling some feathers by not thinking about what I was saying to others.  I get very excited to be included in a conversation and that usually ends with me dominating the conversation.  I'm sorry. I know I can't take spoken words back, but it's something that I am working on fixing through my actions.

Therefore, if you have ever been on the receiving end of my "dagger words", please accept my apologies.  I use(d) this as a defense mechanism and never realized that I was that "mean girl" in school that no one liked.  It boils down to not liking myself very much, but I'm working on changing that as well.

I'm working hard on letting go of past situations and words that have been said to me as well.  Who wants to live in the past anyway?  Life is too short.  

I hope everyone has been enjoying the fall weather.  I must admit that I'm not much into the Halloween spirit this year.  I suppose the changing seasons can do that to a person.

Change is difficult but necessary.

El Deguello (SLiT THROAT)

 

Hit Play & Read, Y'all!

connect the cause and effect

one foot in front of the next

this is the start of a journey

- Gnarls Barkley, Going On

Dear NOLA,

It's been a while since I've written you a love note, but please rest assured that I still love you more than the moon and the stars.  I love my peeps in LA and TX, and boy do I have peeps!  I never realized how my sparkles and sunshine put a smile on some peoples' faces.  That really makes me feel loved, knowing that people are laughing at with me as I stumble my way through becoming a full fledged New Orleanian and honoring my strong, "Remember the ALAMO!" approach to life.  I wear my Fleur De Lis pin with pride, like a badge of honor.  I've earned those stripes now.  I'm a whole person and the "finishing school" that I was enrolled in for the past 6 weeks held up a gorgeous mirror and assisted me in my transition into who I want to be when I have finished cleaning out my house.  

I just thought I knew what it means to miss MY New Orleans.  MY New Orleans is EVERYONE's New Orleans and that's why I love you, NOLA.  You give everyone a gracious, southern hug and a hankie when he or she needs a good cry in the proverbial bubble bath.  You even feed your "chickens" filling comfort foods and tight squeezes of the hand. To top it off, every member of the restaurant/hotel/hospitality industry is kinetically infused into the pulse of this city.  Combined with the efforts of the N.O.P.D. and major shake-ups in city government, and I have a front row seat to a fascinating study in city planning. I am learning the world by observing your constant adjustments to your gumbo recipe.

Let me say this:  I've always been a bit of a Nervous Nelly.  I'm really shy and overcompensate with my loud, VIVA LE TEJAS! attitude.  I have also spent my life with the knowledge that the world IS my stage.  I just have a hard time differentiating between "front of house" and "back of house".  I have a slightly better understanding of the pulse and mojo going on in Southeastern LA, but by no means do I claim to know anything except what my mom and dad, friends and family have told me and through my own experiences here.

Thank you, New Orleans, for giving me a TIME OUT! so I could tuck in my slip properly.  During my time out, I learned a lot about myself.  I really AM a Nervous Nancy and my doctors made me realize that a 5' 9" woman in her early 30s should weigh more than 115 lbs. Watching the movie BLACK SWAN stirred up some serious self-image issues that I had been mashing down in my Pandora's box of troubles.

I now have my own label and it doesn't feel good.  I am an anorexic former ballerina who really needs to eat a sandwich.  I'm working with my super-fab team of doctors and mi familia now to get back to MY TRUE strong, West-Texan tumbleweed roots, cross bred with your live oak trees, NOLA.

After all, I've always been a little bit Texan AND a little bit New Orleanian.

I hope you can continue to take me as I am, 'cause I'm not ready to throw in the towel.

With love,

Kel :6

 Peace Be With You . . .

Creative Choices and The Full Moon

I want some crayons. I miss how they smell in their boxes and I think it might be a fun medium to try and work with again. I don't know. I read about the history of Crayola crayons and the years they added new colors. Did you know that peach used to be called "flesh", but in 1962 they realized that there are other colors of skin tone than peach? Crayola now sports over 130 colors to choose from. Hmmm....

On another note, things have been stormy and happening. I don't know, things are changing right now. It's the full moon right now and Leo is roaring out there in the stars so things might be a little intense for others. I dunno. Just saying. Say your prayers and meditate on something positive. It will be better for everyone involved.

I had to take a personality test for the job above the coffee shop! Like a THEY PAID MONEY for me to take this test. :D I believe in my heart that this is the path I am meant to be on currently and things are about to look up. Plus, I go to my interview for the other place on Wednesday - that's TODAY actually looking at the clock.

But the personality test was interesting. Wow. Now, I think they are doing some comparing to their own tests and we shall see. I must commend them for this practice, actually. It's a small firm. Like a family. So, I get it.

I believe that had I been made to take a test like this at my previous endeavor, I would not have been hired in the first place. Just saying. But, that was the path I was supposed to take at the time.

And now we are here and things are getting better and prayers are being answered. So thanks.

Happy Wednesday! I wonder what shoes I'll wear to the interview?!

xoxo

Not As Good As You Think I Am: Babushka Edition

Long before we moved here, long before I even met Kevin, I came to NOLA during spring break with one of my besties, Jules. I had been to the city to visit my brother and sister (in law) a few times before, but this was a trip dedicated purely to the debauchery of being a college student, hanging out in the French Quarter, and drinking one too many daiquiris.


I learned to love Eggs Benedict on this trip. I also remember eating pop tarts with cake frosting. Oh, the joys of dancing 12 hours a day and eating junk food like it was our job....


Jules wearing a lovely hat...the South suits her.

Prior to this trip, Jules and I were graced with the presence of Galina Panova as our new dance instructor at our University. (Here is Galina dancing with Rudolf Nureyev...yeah, she is bananas!!) Anyway, Galina is Russian. From Russia and has this fabulous accent and attitude about life, and is truly a character. Enamored of our new teacher, Jules and I spoke with Russian accents pretty much all the time. Jules actually speaks Russian - me, I am a big, fat faker.

So, anyway, we end up going down to New Orleans for spring break. We spent many a night trolling the Quarter and continued drinking daiquiris like it was our job.

Then, Babushka showed up.

Ok, so I promise. We weren't hitting the hard liquor (at least not out of the mini bar).

Once Babushka showed up, well, things got a little nutty. We decided, "Hey, we are on spring break and can be anyone we want to be...these folks are strangers to us, so tonight WE ARE RUSSIAN BALLERINAS!!!!!" Katia and Dasha...out for a night of fun in New Orleans. Did I mention we were from Russia?

So, out come the accents. I start asking Jules for some things I can say in Russian that would be convincing. Except, the only words I could really remember were Babushka, Dah, and Nyet.

We ended up meeting these two guys from Purdue...at least I think it was Purdue. So we gave each other a little wink and Katia and Dasha were on.

Basically, we spent about four hours with these guys, running around the Quarter and doing things like eat beignets at Cafe Du Monde...all the while, keeping up the charade of being from Russia. "Dah - oh, how do you say...." Basically, I was just rambling. Jules, she did much better.

At some point in the evening, Jules agreed to walk her companion back to his hotel. We were to meet up back at our hotel later. (Probably a dumb move now that I look back at it, but we were young and trusting.)

I ended up taking a walk down to the river with my companion. The whole time, keeping up this charade of life and how difficult it was in Russia and how much better we have it in America and how we love going to an American university, Dah, Dah, Dah, Moscow, Nyet.

So, we are walking down by the river, and he kept on going on, and on, and on about how nice I was. "Oooh, you are so nice...blah blah blah", said my companion. "Nice, blah, blah, blah." He was trying to be charming. I was becoming bored of the charade. "Such a nice, nice, blah, nice." There was my out! "I'm not as nice as you think I am....." said in my liltiest, Russian accent.

Companion: Oh, but you are!

Katia (me): Oh, no, not really...

Companion: Oh, seriously, I haven't blah blah blah, nice, blah blah.

Katia (me): Oh, but I REALLY am not as nice as you think I am.

Companion: What could be so bad about you?

*POOF! Turn back into Kelly*

Kelly: BECAUSE I'm NOT FROM RUSSIA (spoken in my true, I'm from West Texas accent)

*Poof!*

The mystique of Katia - gone!

The look on his face was priceless! I thought it was hilarious.

He did not.

He ended up walking away from me, back to his hotel. Deservedly. I think I would have been angry if someone had punked me that hard! But, still. Hilarious.

I believe this was the trip that I declared to Jules and the world that I would live in New Orleans one day. I am now proud to say I made it! And if needed, Dasha and Katia are available for parties.

Happy Wednesday!

xoxo