Thursday, August 7, 2014

The Past is the Past

I have been going through my old posts from years ago on this blog and I realized that I was all over the place with what I was writing.  For those of you who used to read me and have started reading me again, I thank you for not giving up on me.  Seriously, thank you for giving me another shot.  A lot of what I wrote before, which I have subsequently taken down because no one should relive that, simply doesn't make sense.  I am reading these posts that I kind of remember writing and I read really manic.

You see, what happened was I was sick and I didn't know it.  It took a major incident for me to realize I was sick and to start on this path that I have now been on for 3 years and counting.  Am I cured?  No.  Will I ever be cured?  No.  But I am better equipped to handle life's ups and downs.  I have great care and an even better support system helping make sure that I stay on the right path.  I think some people might think that I am weak because I must have this kind of support, but I like to think that I have this support because I'm loved.  All you need is love, right?  Love and lots of medicine (in my case) and love. 

I lost a lot of friends because of this illness.  They simply walked away without taking a second look back.  That's on them and proved to me finally that they were never really my friend in the first place.  For those of you who stuck around, you're the good ones.  Am I happy all the time now?  No.  Who is, though?  It has gotten easier to deal with my condition the longer I pushed through the cobwebs in my mind and I'm going to continue to push.  I have to.  Don't we all?

What I went through was scary and I wish I could have run away from it, snapped my fingers and made it disappear, but that is not how things work in my particular situation. 
I don't wish my condition on my worst enemy.  It is a terrifying place in which to find yourself.  Because of my experience with my condition, I have been humbled.  Humility is a great attribute to have, in my opinion.

It is hard for me to read my older posts when my illness was gaining momentum, but it is nice to look back in order to realize how far I have come.  One thing has remained constant for me, and that is I really enjoy writing.  I was radio silent for a long time because I didn't know how to say what I wanted to say.  I had lost my voice.  It feels like now is a great time to start over.  New look, new posts, hopefully new friends in the blogosphere, and a sense of joy for what I am writing about. 

So, thank you.  Thank you for coming back or just starting reading this humble blog.  It means a great deal to me and I promise that I am writing from an honest place in my heart. 


1 comment:

  1. This post speaks to the road you've been on, the road left to travel and a light at the end of the tunnel. May the peace of the picture with it be with you.