Leaf by Leaf, Page by Page

Deciding to make a major change in your life is a big deal. It is hard for most people, myself included, yet it seems I have made most of my major life changes in a quick, and perhaps not so thought out manner. I guess I like the thrill of jumping into something that I might not have any business getting involved. This technique has worked for me thus far.

I find myself at a crossroads. I came to this city to shake up everything in my life. The idea of completely removing me from my comfort zone and moving to a city where I could be anonymous was romantic to me. I have never truly been anonymous in my life. That is not a bad thing. Because my support system was always around, I constantly felt I could accomplish anything I put my mind to. That is not to say I have super confidence. Since moving to New Orleans I have realized my confidence is in quite the opposite state.

So, the big question is, “What do I want to be when I grow up?” Um. I don’t know.

I am proud of all my accomplishments thus far but do I want to continue to work in the non-profit sector? I feel I should. It holds my heart—well, part of my heart. Then there is that little ballerina still inside. I have found a couple of jobs to teach dance and when I see those, my little monkey heart does a flip, flop (swish, swish).

Like for instance, I found a job to apply for teaching Burlesque to housewives. I know, this isn’t ballet. Nevertheless, it could be awesomely fun and feed that flip, flop (swish, swish) in the old ticker.

There are parts of myself that I ignored in my transition from graduate school to working at the Symphony. I miss these parts and I don’t want to continue ignoring them because I am too busy having a “career”. Yet, I don’t want to ignore my educational accomplishments and limit myself to simply waiting tables. It’s not that I’m beneath that—it’s that I owe it to myself to try and do something with everything I have been striving towards.

I think that I will apply to teach Burlesque to housewives. It feels right to move my body once again and I need to feed the intellectual side and find a job that serves a purpose. The whole reason I started this journey in the first place was to do my part in helping make the community of New Orleans better and stronger. Even if I am only one person, I am here and I am ready to work.