An Adjustment

Kevin has switched to graveyards. Twelve hour shifts, working all night. There are days where I see him awake for about 15 minutes. This blows. I don't like it. It makes me very grumpy and I am having a hard time dealing with all this alone time. You see, we made this journey together and have really come to rely on each other for all our socializing. I have embraced this - Kev and me against the world! And now, I feel like it's me against the world while Kevin is off working like a dog.

I know he is exhausted and this schedule has to be very hard for him. He's doing what, at least for now, will enable us to try and purchase a house in the near future. I appreciate that he is wanting to better our situation, but this has been an adjustment. And, to top it off, we are only on the first week.

This weekend, I got up early (not hard, as I'm now an early bird) and had breakfast and a Bloody Mary with him after he got off work. It was nice. It felt like before, only it was 7 a.m. and we were eating eggs instead of gumbo.

I need to find my rhythm with this new situation. I haven't figured it out, obviously. I need to find my purpose, my drive to continue on and entertain myself while he is away.

Did I mention I'm grumpy? This transition, coming in the middle of the holidays, adds to the stress of things. No family, no husband now. Just a tree that is half decorated and a ton of work to be done, alone.

I can do this - I've been alone before. But that was PK (Pre-Kevin). It's funny how we come to rely on our spouses so much. So, I need to stop relying on him for entertainment. That wasn't part of our wedding vows - "To have and to hold, to entertain and make sure you always have a date..."

So, here's me, picking myself up by my boot straps and adjusting. I don't like it but this will be good for me - to reclaim my independence.

Now, if he will only stop staring at me in wonderment when we are in each other's presence, I think I'll be able to maintain that independence.

Change is hard.