Lost and Wandering

Sick. I've been sick. Knock you on your derriere, sick. Fever, chills, coughing. Coughing so much that my stomach muscles are so sore, I can't cough any more. Perhaps the Universe was telling me I get a few more days of rest and repositioning and then it's time to focus.

Focus on the future. It's important, you know. Continuing to live and grow and achieve. That's what the people expect. Especially if you are like me and make big, grand promises. I expect big things out of this life I'm living. I've been quite vocal about my expectations of said life. It's time to start delivering on these big, grand promises.

I just never anticipated moving to this city would be as difficult as it has been. I am not going anywhere. Kev and I are not going anywhere. We love it here. We feel passionate about this place. It is our home. It's just a tough place to live sometimes.

With all the friendliness and kindness that surrounds us, there is also a sort of step back and reassess mentality. A kind of thought process of, "I'm not so sure about you...who do you think you are coming in here trying to change ME?!?" And, there is a harshness. Harsh, sad, and mourning. It's still here and I believe I have fallen prey to the sad folds that can wash over a person in a city that is still grieving some huge losses.

I'm still grieving my personal loss - even if it wasn't that huge. I need to get over it. Let it go. Pick myself up by those proverbial bootstraps and get on with things already.

Except, I'm angry. I'm having a hard time moving past the anger stage of my grieving. I'm so mad and I need to fight the urge to blame others and continue my pity tea party. The pity tea isn't that tasty. It's very bitter. Except I keep on drinking it.

So, here's to being able to sit in a chair! Here's to not having a fever! Here's to making positive changes and throwing out that cup of pity tea. It's cold, anyway.

I lost a few days in between my last post and this one. I didn't even realize it had become March.

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
March!
March, who?
March your way into some new beginnings!

So, cheers to being better and starting over. Again!

xoxo